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Why Control Issues FAIL Against the HOLY SPIRITDo you ever feel like you’re in a constant spiritual tug-of-war? It’s that exhausting, daily battle where one part of you desperately wants to surrender to God, but the other part just refuses to let go of the reins. Christians around you all say that the Holy Spirit gives you real peace and purpose, but you feel stuck—stuck in that same old cycle of trying your best, failing, and getting frustrated all over again.
But what if the secret to winning this war wasn’t to pull harder? What if it was to finally let go? We’re about to figure out who’s really in control of your life—you or the Holy Spirit—and discover what it means to experience the freedom that only comes from true surrender.
The Problem — The Grind of Self-Control
Let’s be real for a second. The Christian life can be absolutely draining. It often feels like this non-stop effort to manage our own thoughts, our words, and our reactions. We wake up with the best intentions, right? “Today, I’ll be more patient. Today, I won’t lose my temper. Today, I’m actually going to read my Bible.”
And then, life happens. If you have children you just found out that they were making a mess again; On you way to school or work someone cuts you off in traffic and almost causes an accident. Once in the office you realise that the dreaded deadline is closing in. And let’s not talk about these horrible kids in your class. Suddenly you’re back to relying on your own strength. Cursing at that dumb guy who cut you off. Silently, in your mind, but still; Wishing something bad to happen to that stupid bully. Sure, you didn’t say it aloud. But still!
Trying to live the Christian life on your own strength is like trying to power an entire city with a single AA battery. You’ve probably figured out, your power runs out fast.
This is the spiritual tug-of-war. At one end of the rope is your own self-will, your pride, that deep desire to be the one in the driver’s seat. At the other end is the gentle, steady pull of the Holy Spirit, inviting you into a life of rest and divine power. But most of us spend our lives digging our heels in, yanking with all our might, because we think spiritual maturity means winning this fight through sheer willpower. We think if we just try harder, we’ll finally get it right.
It was the apostle Paul who perfectly expressed this in Romans 7:15,19.
For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.
For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.
Fortunately, Paul also gives the answer to this problem, I’ll read that part later. In the meantime we need to realise where that mindset of wanting to be in control leads us. You see, it is a painful cycle: we strive, we fail, we drown in guilt, and then we promise to strive even harder tomorrow. It leaves us feeling stuck, frustrated by the same old sins, and wondering if we’re constantly letting God down. The Bible says in Romans 8:7 that “the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law”; it never has and never will obey Him. That’s why people dominated by it can never really please God. So, if trying harder isn’t the solution, what is? The answer isn’t to pull with more of your own strength. It’s to drop the rope.
The Solution — The Shift to Surrender
Let’s start with Paul’s answer to his endless batttle. Let’s read Romans 7:24-25
Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Pause here for a second! Paul is being extremely honest here. His striving leads to nothing and he feels horrible! He used the word ‘wretched’ to express how he looks at himself. He basically says that he thinks of himself as being despicable. We know the feeling, right? So, what was Paul’s answer? He said it just now: through Jesus Christ our Lord! Jesus is our Lord and as such He ought to be on the first position in our lives. We need to surrender to Him and surrendering to Him means surrendering to the Holy Spirit.
Let’s jump back real quick to our problem. We are striving so hard! But here the Bible tells us that we need to do the contrary. The opposite of striving isn’t laziness; it’s surrender. Now, ‘surrender’ is a word that makes our culture flinch. It sounds like losing, like giving up. But in God’s Kingdom, surrender is the secret to victory. Surrendering to the Holy Spirit doesn’t mean you become a mindless puppet or lose your personality. It’s a conscious choice to hand over control, like a co-pilot trusting the captain to fly the plane through a storm.
First, we have to get a clear picture of who the Holy Spirit is. He isn’t some vague cosmic force or just a jolt of ‘God’s power.’ No, that is actually how the Jehovah Witnesses see the Holy Spirit. That is blasphemous. Scripture talks about the Holy Spirit as a person: He teaches, He guides, He comforts, and He prays for us. He has a mind, emotions, and a will. He is God, co-equal with the Father and the Son, who comes to live inside every believer at the moment of salvation. His presence in you is a permanent seal, a guarantee of your inheritance in Christ.
By the way, if you want to know more about when the Holy Spirit comes to live in a Christian, you can go and see my video on that topic. You’ll find the link in the description below.
So, when we talk about surrender, we’re talking about yielding to a person—the very person of God living inside you. Think of it like a dance. When you’re dancing with a skilled partner, you don’t fight them for the lead; you trust their movements and follow their guidance, and together you create something beautiful. The Holy Spirit doesn’t force His leadership on us. He waits for our “yes.” Surrender is that daily, sometimes moment-by-moment, decision to stop striving and start walking in step with Him.
How to Tell Who’s in Control
Okay, that is all nice and well, but how do you know if you’re actually doing this? How can you tell if it’s you yanking on the rope or if you’ve really let the Holy Spirit lead? The Bible gives us some clear, practical signs to look for.
Sign 1: What You Want Starts to Change.
When you’re in control, your desires are almost always fixed on what serves you—your own comfort, your own agenda, your own success.
James 1:14-15
But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
But when the Holy Spirit is in control, it’s like your inner GPS gets reprogrammed. You’ll start to notice a deep shift in what you actually want. Now you might think that the analogy of the GPS is a modern day invention. Well, I guess Isaiah already knew about this awesome feature of the Holy Spirit. Let read Isaiah 30:21-22
And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold-plated metal images. You will scatter them as unclean things. You will say to them, “Be gone!”
This is much more than just changing your behaviour; it’s your heart being rewired. You’ll start to have a real hunger for the things of God. Reading the Bible will feel less like a chore and more like receiving life itself. Prayer becomes less of a 9-1-1 call and more of an ongoing conversation with a Father you know and love. This growing desire for God himself is one of the clearest signs that He is at work in you.
Sign 2: The Evidence of Spiritual Fruit.
In Galatians 5, the apostle Paul gives us a beautiful checklist. He says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” Did you notice he called it the fruit of the Spirit, not the fruit of your own hard work. You can’t produce an apple by gritting your teeth and trying harder. An apple tree produces apples naturally when it’s planted in good soil and gets sun and water. In the same way, this spiritual fruit grows supernaturally out of a life that is surrendered to Him. When you’re in a tense situation, and you respond with a gentleness that surprises even you, that’s the Holy Spirit. When you feel a deep, unshakeable peace in the middle of a crisis, that’s the Holy Spirit. This fruit is the undeniable proof of who is really tending the garden of your heart.
Sign 3: A Growing Sensitivity to His Voice.
When you’re running the show, the loudest voice you hear is always your own—your logic, your fears, your rationalizations. It’s like a constant blasting of white noise. When the Holy Spirit is in control, you learn how to turn down that static, and you become more tuned in to His “still, small voice.” We read this for example in 1 Kings 19, where God’s presented Himself to Elijah not in a dramatic display of power, like wind, earthquake, or fire, but in a subtle sound of a low whisper.
For us, this might feel like an inner nudge, a sense of peace about a choice, or a moment of clarity that lines up perfectly with Scripture. This guidance is never chaotic or confusing. And His leading will never contradict the Bible.
John 16:13-15
When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you. All that the Father has is mine; therefore I said that he will take what is mine and declare it to you.
As you learn to quiet the noise of your own will, you’ll get better and better at recognising the gentle guidance of your Helper. And again, what the Spirit tells you wil never ever contradict the words of Jesus, or the Bible itself for that matter.
Sign 4: A New Power Over Sin.
When you fight sin with your own strength, it’s a losing battle that almost always ends in shame and disappointment. But the Holy Spirit’s job isn’t to condemn you; it’s to convict you. Condemnation is like a judge declaring you guilty. Conviction is like a coach pulling you aside, pointing out a flaw in your technique, and saying, “There’s a better way, and I’m here to help you get there.”
When the Spirit is leading, you’ll discover a growing power to resist temptation. It’s no longer you fighting a battle alone; it’s like walking through a dangerous neighbourhood while having a MMA champion walking right beside you. When the thugs come to rob you, this MMA champ will be at your side. You already feel sorry for these goons, right? So, it’s not that the temptation vanishes, but you’re finally empowered to say “no” to your flesh and “yes” to the Spirit, because you are no longer a slave to sin, but a servant of righteousness.
The Practical ‘How-To’ of Surrender
Hearing all this, you might be thinking, “Okay, I want that, but what do I actually ‘do’?” The Bible’s command in Galatians 16 is beautifully simple: “Walk by the Spirit.” Walking is just a series of simple, step-by-step movements. It’s an ongoing, daily journey.
It starts with humility. It starts with a daily decision when you wake up to hand over the keys to your life, saying, “Holy Spirit, this day is Yours. You take the wheel. I yield my thoughts, my words, my decisions, and my reactions to You. I can’t do this on my own, and I don’t want to anymore. Please, lead me.”
Surrender is an act of your will. It’s a choice you make to release your grip and trust His leadership, even when you can’t see what’s coming next.
And this isn’t a one-and-done decision; it’s a moment-by-moment practice. When you feel that anger rising up, you can pause and whisper, “Please Lord Jesus, through Your Spirit, help me!” When you have to make a choice, you can ask, “Lord, guide me through Your Spirit, what is Your wisdom here?” And when you fail—because you will… we all fail on a regular base—you confess it quickly, receive God’s grace, and intentionally hand the reins back to Him. It’s a continuous, active partnership. This is what we call sanctification! It is becoming more and more Like the Lord Jesus.
Pray with me
If you are tired of the tug-of-war, tired of the frustration, and ready to feel the peace and power of a Spirit-led life, I want to invite you to take that first step of surrender right now. It can start with a simple, honest prayer. I’ll give you an example of such a prayer and if you want you can just pray it together with me:
“Lord Jesus, I admit I’ve been trying to control my own life, and I’m exhausted. I’ve been fighting in my own strength, and I keep failing. Today, I am dropping the rope. I want to surrender all to You. Holy Spirit, I completely yield to Your leadership in my life. Please fill my heart and my mind with your thought and wisdom. Lead me, guide me, and empower me to live my life for God in a way that is pleasing to Him, a life which will make Him happy. I give you my will, my plans, and my future. I trust you completely. In the wonderful name of the Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.”
If you just sincerely prayed this prayer, I can assure you that the Holy Spirit will help and guide you.
I would be so encouraged if you’d let me know what the Holy Spirit did in your life. You can send me a personal message, or you can share it in the comments below. I’m also very curious about how you plan to let the Holy Spirit guide you this week. Again, just drop me a personal message or share it in the comments below.
And if this message helped you, please subscribe for more content on what it means to walk with God.
Conclusion
The question, ‘Who’s in control?’ is the one of most important questions you’ll answer every single day. The life God has intended for you isn’t found by trying harder, but by surrendering deeper. It’s a beautiful paradox that the ultimate form of ‘self-control’ is actually a fruit of the Spirit. True mastery over your life doesn’t come from tightening your grip, but from placing your life completely in His loving hands. Remember! You were never designed to do this alone! God Himself, through the Holy Spirit, lives within you, ready to guide, empower, and transform you from the inside out. Let go of the rope. Stop striving. And start walking, step-by-step, in the amazing freedom of a life fully surrendered to Him.
